I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
