I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
