Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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