I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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