No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
