People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
