No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
