The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
