I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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