u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
