She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
