Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
