drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize