I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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