By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she told me i tasted like america
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Randomize
