Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
