So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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