i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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