I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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