Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
