For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
