In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize