an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
