we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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