I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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