A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
