This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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