im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
