we have pet lesbian snakes
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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