Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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