o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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