Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I died a long time ago.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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