I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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