I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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