The beer is more important than you right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
