Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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