Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His nipple licking is glorious
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