It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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