dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
