9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
