You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
