Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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