hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
