Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
