im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
