Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize