so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
