Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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