just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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