Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
