never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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