hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
