if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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