I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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