I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
