Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
