??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
