He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
