Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
