So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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