Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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