Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
