the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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