the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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