You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
