the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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