Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
