I hate all girls vehemently.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
