If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need a beard to bite.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
