I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
