I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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