You can't motorboat a personality
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
