Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
