She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize