i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
