The best revenge is premature balding
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize