I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
