Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
