You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
