Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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