its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just google imaged poop.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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