he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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