Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
