I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
