before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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